You're Right, I'm a Dog

people who know me well have been wondering
what caused me to become the person i've become:
although it took much longer than it should have,
i was tired of being kicked...
i was going to the ends of the earth for everyone
except myself.
i was giving my heart and self completely to women
only to get it back dirty and mangled.
the proof is in the pudding;
don't believe me?
no one is going on blast,
but if you know me
you know what i've been through.
it's crazy,
i would fight tooth and nail
for that special someone of the moment,
only to get half assed dedication in return.
men are called dogs in negative ways,
but i can definitely compare myself to a dog:
i am quite loyal,
i will follow you (the special someone of the moment)
to hell and back,
i wait in anticipation to tangibly experience you
when you're not here.
the thing is,
just as dogs,
i will only take so much neglect and abuse
before i turn the tables,
and venture out into the world to do it on my own
(and although i may not be proud of this,
i may also bark and bite before i leave).
i'm not too sure if i am better here than where i've been,
but one thing is for sure,
in, at the very least, most cases,
i damn sure am.


there's a battle that rages on inside of me:
one side is the old me
which suggests everyone deserves a chance
until proven otherwise,
and that i should give my whole self at the onset of "us";
the other side is the new me
which constantly hears several phrases play in my head,
some more frequently than others:
"fuck em all, muthafuck em all"...


which side of me is winning??
i wanna say
the "fuck everyone that's not me and a select few" side,
but maybe i'm just much closer to the middle ground
than i previously was...
i know one thing for sure,
i'm nowhere near who i am destined to be..
i am just here as a temporary stop
while still en route to the later me...
until then,
i'm gonna keep riding
and enjoying the ride along the way...